My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
