On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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