Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
