Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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