I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
