the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
