I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
