ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
