I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I need a beard to bite.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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