I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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