so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
