Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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