Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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