I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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