its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
