just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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