Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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