Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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