super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
