Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can vaginas get frostbite?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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