I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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