I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
