i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
