i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
