wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
