Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
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Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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