Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
