Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
