If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
