garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
