I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
