you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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