He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
