i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
