Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We have started to decorate penises.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
