i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
