it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Randomize
