I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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