Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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