The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
