so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
