Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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