a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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