You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
