Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
