Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
