I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
