just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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