It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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