There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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