I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
