I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
