you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You were trust falling into bushes
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
