i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
