i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
