i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
