We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
