??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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