My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
