I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
