Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
