I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
