Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
