just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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