i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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