i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize