After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
