why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
