I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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