i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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