sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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